(no subject)

i cannot finish this damn paper.
i'm feeling bad about next semester.
with carolyn and jill leaving to go to florence and LA... sure i left last year, but at least they still had each other and merce, she might not come back after all.
i have a feeling that next semester will be very lonely and sad without my best friends around.
i've learned that those girls are my rock, they understand me, we have our laughs and they know about the things i was afraid to tell others.
sure, morgan and even patty will be around, but things are different with them, they don't go to simmons, they don't understand.
that place has a mind of its own, i can't even begin to comprehend it.
so i guess, all is left up in the air, i'm just feeling sad right now because i'm realizing a lot of things.
i wish some things were very different, but they obviously aren't
fuck, i only use this thing to let out my frustrations since there are times when i can't even begin to understand my own thoughts, reactions and emotions.
i'm fucked up.
but i already knew that.
yet, at the end of the day, i learn to love myself even more and more, because there's always room for improvement and i just need a win over here.
more happiness.

pero ya dejate de jugar conmigo asi...
  • Current Music
    regina spektor :fidelity:

the ice age

it's damn cold out
there's ice everywhere.
sometimes i wonder why i live and go to school in the frozen tundra of new england.
but then again this a welcoming departure from the unseasonably warmer weather we had in october.

i need to finish this paper and then my stress will be lifted until i have to start studying for finals, but for the first time, i only have 2 finals and they won't be strenuous, but that paper for polisci of newly industrialized countries will be... mind you it hasn't even assigned.
that damn class better not bring down my GPA, i've worked really hard this semester.

and in other news, it's december (finally!), my birthday is in 17 days! hooray for 21!! :D
some things have changed, that damn complication is now a thing of the past ... complications are never good, and i'm aware of that, but you know how sometimes, you want certain things that you shouldn't have? yes, that was my problem.
but for now and probably for a long time, this complication is gone.
onto another one, like i said.

"dejame que te hable tambien con tu silencio..."
  • Current Music
    brazilian girls

(no subject)

something's missing or is out of place.
i feel like the semester has flown by, scary huh? i don't know how i feel about that... in the last 2 weeks i have before it's all over, i have a major paper and presentation that i don't really care about and i really should, since it's probably my ENTIRE grade for the semester.
i'll probably have another paper for abuza's class (newly industrialized nations), which will most likely be about the racial complexities of malaysia
2 final exams which i'm sure i won't struggle with
and then i'm done...
but besides my scholastic life, my personal life is ... there aren't words to describe it.
i have no life outside school, sure i party, drink, laugh with my friends and have amazingly hilarious times, but there's something missing.
i wish there was something that i could look forward to and continue to work hard for it and in the end attain that, but there is no such thing.
i'm just here by myself.
this semester has been crazy
just when i think my life is just going to be calm, something always comes up that complicated that.... and for the first time in a long time, i welcomed that complication with open arms, like the idiot that i am.
why should i allow myself to welcome this complication?
why should i even allow this complication?
seriously, i don't know, i can't even behind to understand it.
so here i am, wanting things to happen and nothing is happening.
life just keeps rolling by and i feel that sometimes i'm stagnant, that i'm just waiting for something to pick me up and show me the way, but that isn't going to happen, because i have to show myself the right path for myself.
at this point, life in general is bothering me,
i've come to a point where i'm uncertain about my immediate future and i'm sorry, but I CANNOT allow myself to do that.
a year from now, i'll be finishing my first semester of senior year.... maybe i'm worrying to early on in the game, but that's what i do.

ok i'm done ranting
  • Current Music
    alicia keys

(no subject)

the new kylie minogue cd "X" is ridiculously amazing.
great dance pop music,
if you want to listen to really good, well produced, not britney spears pop music, then i HIGHLY suggest you listen to kylie, i'm not lying!
  • Current Music
    sol seppy "slo fuzz'
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Open iTunes/iPod or Windows Media Player to answer the following. Go to your library. Answer, no matter how embarrasing it is.

Number of songs: 3550

Sort by song title
First Song: A0001 - Thursday
Last Song: /=/=/ - Andrew Bird

Sort by time
Shortest Song: 0:10 Horn Intro - Modest Mouse
Longest Song: 2:00 Essential Mix - Diplo

Sort by album
First Album: Abbey Road - The Beatles
Last Album: † - Justice

Top Five Most Played Songs:
Rootless Tree - Damien Rice
Leisure Suite - Feist
Reckoner - Radiohead
Song for Clay (disappear here) - Bloc Party
Corner Store - Brazilian Girls

First song that comes up on Shuffle: "Subway Train/Munich Air Disaster" - Morrissey
Next... "Agoraphobia" - Incubus

Search ....
"sex", how many songs come up? 32
"death", how many songs come up? 73
"love", how many songs come up? 180
"you", how many songs come up? 479
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(no subject)

slowly but surely, i'm losing it
sometimes the things i've done really don't matter much.

i'm once again stagnant.
i hate that.
here's to a good weekend,
i really can only hope
  • Current Music
    bloc party

i like to ask too many question

where are the great conversations of my young life?
where are the moment that separate me from the others?
where are the sleepless moment spent thinking about him?
where are my so called heroes?
where are my magical moments of dreamlike reality?

i'm jaded and it's worse than i thought.
i'm writing here because sometimes i feel like i don't have an outlet.
my mind drives me insane sometimes.
it just goes for hours at a time thinking and dreaming about things that can't happen.

i'm alone in this always.
going away did something, but it didn't solve my trust issues.
i'm still so scared.
vulnerable perhaps?
i don't even know anymore.

(no subject)

 i really hate the remainder of my summer.
miami is lame without real friends, i'm home for most of the time unable to find a job since they won't hire me since i have to leave in late august.
i fucking hate that
i haven't really done much,
the highlight of my Miami summer has been reading the final chapter of the Harry Potter saga.

Harry Potter and the Deadly Hallows left me wanting more.
It was of course everything i expected and more, i cried, laughed and  was angry.
took me 12 hours to completely devour it, yet savouring every single little moment.
made me love Ronald Weasley even more.
it left me empty and nostalgic for the old times...or for new times.
i want something
and i can't grasp it.
it's kinda pathetic that a book makes me realize that i'm alone here.
and it made me think about next semester, about how my real friends are and who will really be there for me in the end
there are so many emotions that i have inside that i haven't liberated in the longest.

sure, Europe was the greatest escape, but in the end, you always have to come back to reality.
because we all have realities that we escape from, the escape might be wonderful, then all of the sudden it's all over and you are right back where you started.
  • Current Music
    los bunkers - ahora que no estas